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Flatwater Newsletter Archive
1998 to 2002

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Thought this would amuse you guys:

What Would Be Different if Joseph Lucas Had Invented the PC?

• 1-PC wiring would be considered tasty by rodents.
• 2-PC's would have a positive ground system.
• 3-PC's would smell unusual in humid weather.
• 4-PC's would be required to have "on-board" fire extinguisher systems by fire codes.
• 5-"Haynes" would publish repair manuals on PC's.

• 6-Slide rules would still be common.
• 7-The most popular PC operating system would be "Windows for Wankers."
• 8-"Mr. Bean" would be the top Lucas Software engineer.
• 9-PC repairmen would carry astrology handbooks and be universally shunned by life insurance companies.
• 10The ozone layer in the earth's atmosphere would be ten times thicker because of PC emissions and sun tan oil companies would have numerous lawsuits pending against Lucas.
• PS. Being a Mac user, I'd say number 7 is already true!

Cheers,
Philip Raby
Editor, MG World
PO Box 163, Bicester OX6 3YS, UK
Tel: 01869 340061

"A large Scotsman had been arrested on suspicion of a large theft. A huge quantity of cars spares had been removed from a warehouse, some were for quite old cars. Alas, the Scotsman had a very thick glutteral, Glaswegian accent, and no one could understand him.

He was interveiwed by a Detective Sgt (DS) and a Dectective Constable,(DC). The DS just simply could not understand a word the man said, and was becoming more and more frustrated. The DS would not allow the DC to interrupt. The DS eventually lost his temper and shouted that he would have the Scotsmans brains blown out if he could get no sense from him.