Changes to the English Language
From Henry Hultquist
The European Commission has just announced and agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceeded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted the 5-year-phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favor of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter!
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to theach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th year, peopl wil be seseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' wiz 'v'. During ze fifz year ze unesesary 'o' can be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' amd similar changes vud of kurs be aplid to ozer knmbinations of leters. After ze fifz yer ve vil hav a rali sensibl ritn styl. Zer wil be no mor trubl of difikultis and evriun wil find it ezi tu undrstand ech ozer.
Zen Ze Drem Vil Finali Kom Tru!!!
On the eighth day God created beer to keep the Irish from ruling the earth...
On the ninth day God created Scotch to keep the Scots from ruling the earth, being all-knowing he knew they wouldn't go for a cheap drunk.
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